Once upon a time there was a young girl who lived in a little fishing village next to the ocean. She used to have a lot of nice friends, a comfortable home and a fabulous area around her. She loved it to work and to help, wherever she can. She ploughs grass, helped in the kitchen, helped the fisherman at the harbor and sold cute little self-made things on the marked. She was a joyful girl and loved it to try a lot of different things. People around her appreciated her honest and funny personality. But she felt, that there was still something missing in her life. One day, she started to study with the thought, this will be the right thing for her. But it wasn’t and she still felt a kind of empty. “Go my love, go.” Her inner voice kept telling her this. But she was afraid and the fear was constantly bigger than her intuition.
But one day, suddenly, the bravery came to her. It took her hand and started to have a walk with her. They walked through Mountains and valleys, fields and forests. More and more far off the fishing village, until they arrived a new and magical place. There, her life was supposed to change fundamental…
This story deals with my own change. My jump out of the fear, into the freedom. And I mean mental freedom and especially the extension of my horizon, which got bigger and bigger over the last years. And it still does, it will never stop to grow. Life will never stop, showing us new things. But at that time, my horizon was as big as a camembert cheese (the 250-gram package, not the 500-gram).
It deals also with the power and the endless fight of our society.
And although I don’t write this blog as a timeline, this story goes back to the unaware beginnings of my personal development. I mentioned unaware, because now- years later- I see things significant more clear and aware than I did earlier.
Because many years ago, my life, or better my personality, was very different to now.
I want to give you a little insight, from out of what I did the jump, how I felt and what my obstacles were.
I had a very distorted picture of myself in my youth and almost until the end of my study.
The content of my life was the thought ‘What do other people think about me’.
I always told myself I must be super skinny, must be a fashionista, cool, easy going and very smart to make other people love me. But I was never as skinny as I wanted and in return to this, I didn’t feel comfortable in that fashion, which I thought its cool. I have been on a middle-class school, not at the best like a few of my friends. That all brought me very down and I got frustrated. Sometimes I felt so ugly, that I smashed the mirror with my hand and was having a tantrum. My mind told me if I am not beautiful, I am worthless.
We often went to nightclubs at the weekends. Before that, I was going for shopping to find clothes for those days, to make myself more beautiful. I hardly found something, because I felt so ugly in my body and no clothes could cover it. After 8 hours shopping, I was very exhausted and desperate.
So, I have been end up in those Clubs, being extremely annoyed and rude to other people. I have got tantrums in public or I went just to the toilet and cried bitterly.
My attitude was extremely materialistic. I tried to get as much attention and recognition as possible with Things. But I never realized, why my friends really like me. I had a lot of good friends and they liked me because of my sincerity, my trust, my humor and my love to them. But not because of any material stuff. I was caught by my sick mind. I always tried to get more. I never got enough. More things in return of more attention. This suffering was a big part of my life.
Today I am laughing about it, but I still can ‘t imagine how I just gave up myself at those time. I just thought ‘that’s me, that’s my life, there is not more.
Sometimes, I wish I could turn back the time and tell my younger self, that this what I experience in that moment is just 10 % of what is waiting for me in this World.
The ridiculous part of all the story is, I was very beautiful and I have got so much attention. But either way, everyone is beautiful in a special and unique way. Every single living being is beautiful and is shining from the inside.
Just a little example how I looked like in those days
On the other side, I had a kind of a general naivety in terms of jobs and other things of my life, which were not connected to emotions and interpersonal actions. I always got every job I wanted, I made up my upper school degree, I finished my study, got good and cheap flats, never had issues with money and so on. But I did never appreciate those positive things in my life. My friends were even jealous because I was so lucky. But the only thing that counted for me was Attention from people, which I’ve got, but it was never enough for me. I even tried to force love and requested qualities like esteem and respect from other people, when I couldn’t even give this to myself. But it doesn`t work like this, so I ended up getting hurt a lot of times.
I just accepted my situation, because I didn’t know something else.
At these time, I just knew my little town Flensburg. I have never been to any other country, not even to another city. I have never met different cultures and different lifestyles. And that will be alright, if I would be happy with it, from the depth of my heart. But I wasn’t. I thought it is alright, because I accepted it. But I felt, that something is missing.
So, after my higher school degree, I started to study. I started it, just because of the status. Just because other people will be proud of me. To prove, that I am not stupid. I didn’t care, if it will be that, what makes me happy in the end. My status was the most important thing. The status, which we get from our lovely society. The society, which was the main reason for my suffering.
Who tells us, that we must earn a lot of money? Who tells us that we must make a career and being well educated with perfect marks in our certificates? Why is this so important for people.
What is with passion, with enthusiasm and love? With the realization of our dreams?
Those essential things getting lost in our society.
“What other people say, must be true. “And this faith is the biggest fault, people can commit. To take the ostensible knowledge of other people, to follow the public relations in return of losing our own heart, is our personal executioner.
How can we grow, if we just follow the opinion of others?
Because in the end, the highest degree which we want to reach is happiness, isn’t it? And this is such so individual.
One of us might find happiness of leading a big company. Another one in being a musician on the beach an earn a few cents and another one in being a housekeeper and keep peoples belongings clean and another one in being a magician. No matter what we do, nothing is better or worse and nothing should be judged. If we are happy with those things we do, our surrounding should appreciate and respect it. But not only this. They should hail it, celebrate it. If the world, and every single human being would just support those people who try to make their dreams come true, the world would be a better place with less poorness.
But we run with the flow of society, not with the flow of life.
I want to give you a little example. As I mentioned already that I like Fairytales. So recently I was watching a very old German Fairytale of the Brothers Grimm, called “Hans in Luck.”
In this story they show, how unimportant “Things” are, and how worthless the opinion other people sometimes.
Hans got a big ball of gold. But he changed it into a Horse, because the gold was too heavy to carry. He was the happiest man to get the horse, and doesn’t have to walk anymore. But after a while he felt down, so he changed the horse into a cow. He was such so happy because the cow gives him milk and cheese. As he found out, that the cow doesn’t give milk anymore, he changes it into a little pig. He was looking so forward to get the meat of the pig. But it was a baby pig and because it needs a long time to grow, he changed it into a goose. He was full of joy and was looking forward to eating this goo and make a nice blanked with their quill. On his way, he met a guy and told him what happened on his way, and how lucky he is that he got such nice exchanges. But the guy was speechless and told him, his exchanges were very bad and that he lost with every single one more value. But he didn’t understand, that Hans has a totally different view of the value. The horse gave him freedom, the cow milk and cheese, the pig meat, and the goo quill. He didn’t compare or evaluate any of this. Nothing for him was more or less worth. He just saw, what he got for the moment. He saw, that everything had a special and very own value in that moment.
In the end, the guy offered him his pumice stone and told Hans, he can work with this and make a lot of money, in exchange for the goo. Hans believed him, but after a while he through this heavy stone away. He jumped into the air and sang that he is the happiest man on earth. No more to belongings, finally free.
But we follow the expectations other people.
Best case is a 9 to 5 job in a big company, with a good chance to go up, included a great salary for sure. It doesn’t matter if the team doesn’t fit to us, if we have a 70 hours week or if our boss doesn’t give us enough respect. The status or the money is the most important thing.
We do that, because people like friends, family or just the society expect it. We think, this will be the end, the life which we are supposed to live, no increase. The illusion, that this is the aim of life.
Or, we are such afraid. Afraid of doing those things in life which will make us happy. But what is more attractive? Never ending frustration included the question “What if?” Or to through away this suffer, go through the dark street but find the most beautiful light in the end of this street. Or keep living in the grey city? It is better to make a painful break, than draw out the agony.
Or do we want to live forever on 60% instead of 100%?
Sometimes, for some reasons, we must go first through those times, before it gets any better. But we must be aware, that this will not be the end and something great and different will happen. We should trust, it is so important.
Life begins behind our comfort zone
But to fight against our fear, keep living in our snail shell or follow expectations will remove us far away from Luck.
Many people are walking towards the wrong direction to find their happiness, without even notice it. To live such a life seems so perfect to the society, that we can describe it as fanatic. All the last centuries were already people in this world, who were different. Those ones, who saw a bigger sense in their life’s than just following the society. Those ones, who has spread their Horizon to all the other magic of life. But those people got burned as witches, hanged death as criminals or got famous like Albert Einstein or Ghandi. But every one of those people went down in history as someone extraordinary.
Albert Einstein was well known as hyper intelligent, as smart as nobody else. And he just came our sense of life a little bit closer in inventing the theory of relativity. Our life, which is inside all of us, so we all can be a part of Albert Einstein.
But the society keep telling us how we can get smart and wise. We should study, we need a good job with a great salary and a super education. And after that, we will be smart. Bullshit. This is exactly the way of thinking, which makes us stupid. For sure, it is nice to have knowledge about some things and be well educated, but it is not essential and it has to be our passion as well. And if we don’t want a higher education and instead of this rather be a musician, a magician, a housekeeper, drawer or traveler than it is alright. Even more. If we have dreams like that and follow them, it will be wonderful and every one of them should get the same respect as those, who are higher educated. Every single human in this world has his own task, which he is supposed to do. And every single human is as important as the other one. But often we are just in the wrong area and don’t realize it. We think we are not smart enough and get into this circle of self-doubt, which is getting bigger and bigger if we don’t go out. It is like the Quote“If you try to teach a fish how to fly, he will always consider himself as stupid."
So, we should go out of this hamster wheel.
But prejudices and social addiction takes our freedom away and turns us into stupid persons. Smart are those ones, who act with their heart. Who helps the fellows to make their dreams come true, who support and most important- who loves. Who don’t listen to the society. Who create their own picture of people and situations, instead of judge before knowing. I think one of the worse sins which a human being can make, is to judge without compassion and an own opinion. Do we know why a situation is like it is? Do we know why somebody act like he acts?
We are not allowed to judge before we don’t know the answer in our heart.
We must be questioning ourselves if it is the truth what we think or if it is an unnecessary judgement, or maybe just the opinion of others, which we follow. This is the easiest way and unfortunately too many people take this easy way. The society said A so it must be A and not B- case completed. But in this moment, we are just selfish and don’t respect the feelings and of those person, who get judged. It is such so easy. But in doing this, we will hurt those innocent and probably better natured persons.
Talking about others, without knowing their background is lazy and coward, just two of more characteristics, which we should banish from our Life’s.
We are not smart, because we are good with computer software. We are not smart because of good marks in school or because of a study. Nobody will become a smart person just because of that. Everyone can handle a Computer Software. Everyone can even learn to handle very complicated Computer Software. It’s all a matter of training. We can learn all the theoretic things in life. Everybody can do this. It is just a matter of time and training.
But a lot of people forget the essential value in our life. We are learning so much, that we forget empathy and our eye for the beauty in life. We are so selfish, that we forget compassion. We are so greedy, that we forget to be with each other.
Why does the people think they will be smart or even happy after working hard and learning theoretic stuff for half of their life’s? Exactly those people will never be happy, because they follow the wrong values. Karma just gives us back, what we give.
We are smart after we gain life experience, after we loved, after we act with love and doing good deeds. Our soul was already smart as we got born. Everything else is just knowledge which we gain over the years. I think, smart are those people, who lives in love, who decide with their heart without being attracted by external influences. Who use their mind to help the heart and swallow their own pride for the benefit of others. Who isn’t resentful and who is able to forgive. We must look up to exactly those people. We can be jealous of those people, but please not of those, who are driving around with their Armani suits, in an expensive car and leading a company in a bad way. That is just radicicolous.
Forrest Gump said in his movie “I am not a smart person, but I know what love is.” But he was so wrong. He IS a smart BECAUSE he knows what love is. That’s my view of the point.
For sure, it might be not easy to think different suddenly and change the perspective. But it is so helpful, enlightening and wonderful. It is worth it, to do all this effort. For us and for the world.
A long time, I did the same mistake. I gave so much attention to the society, that I have lost myself. Like I explained in the head of this text. And this is just a tiny part how to get social dependency.
Also, the TV is a little example.
Why do we have to watch all those horrible news every day? Is the world a better place after we watch it? NO, it is getting worse. And of course, we must open our eyes for some certain things like poorness or the terrifying suffer of all the animals in the world. But do we really have to see all those accidents, the little senseless crime, sicknesses, every murder or rapists? People get more and more afraid to go out. For example, when we think about sicknesses and being surrounded by these things, we will get sick. And how nice is this advertisement for the pharma industry! People get sicker and the companies will earn more money.
But it’s not just this. The TV scares people of the world outside. It is the Law of attraction.
What you constantly think and feel , you will receive.
So, if you are going home and just be afraid, that possibly bad people can pass your way, you will manifest it and it becomes true. The more negative we think, the more negative we will get. And do you think that this is a nice life? Live in fear?
Why do we watch all those bullshit? Why do we give so much attention on those negative things, which affect our life so much, most of the time unaware for sure.
Why do we not show more of the healthy people, more dreamers and visionaries, who can enchant the world into a better one. Who can motivate other people to realize their dreams.
Let’s show more of the heal part of the world, not the broken one.
It will affect, that people be more positive and this will affect less frustration in our world which affects less crime. People would get more bravery, trustful and happy. All those influence will get straight into our subconscious and prevent us, to be happy and positive.
And if we show the bad part of our world, please this one, where we can help. Most of the people don’t even know how some animals and humans are suffer and how they get killed in a very horrible way. And this are not just those animals, which ends up on our Dinner Plate.
We should open our eyes more for that. Let’s bring those offenders into prison and not those harmless ones, who sell weed to the neighborhood. But I will create a separate text for that topic, so I don’t want to talk too much about it now.
Sometimes, I am still struggling to don’t listen to the outside. It is very hard and it needs training. But I try to see the world, or my life, much more aware now.
I think the most important thing in our life is to make decisions from the bottom of our heart.
Our mind is just a construct of social norms and distorted the truth. The mind helps us if it is clear, but the heart, our soul should make the final decision, because just that is real.
One of my favorite movies which fits perfect to this topic is “Into the Wild.” A young guy, who left the society without money, to just live with the wilderness. Once in Once. But his rehab was too much, because we need people and society around us. But we must be careful who it is. It should always just this kind of people, who are sitting in the same bus as we do. We shouldn’t be with people, who are not good for us and who are more in our way, to follow our passion. But as a matter of course, society is there to help us as well. But before we take advices and opinions, we must make sure, that it will be our conviction too. We can’t just adopt an opinion, because we guess it is right. We need to feel absolutely the same. And the society, our environment, must give respect. We all can give advices to our fellow humans, but we can’t put somebody under pressure.
We must respect every single heart and every single intention of human beings to create good relationships.
Expectations and obligations shouldn’t exist, just the pure togetherness and acceptance.
Let’s stop to obligate people and put them under pressure.
Why do we often just see, what people don’t do, instead of that what they do? Why do we often don’t focus what is? It is so essential for good relationships, and it doesn’t matter if partner, friend, colleague or family.
Pure acceptance, no expectations. Pure gratefulness without any proud and ego, because these both components have the power to destroy relationships. Interpersonal relationships could be so much better if we act like that.
Earlier, my self-esteem broke down, more and more. I have lost my dreams and my passion. I was just exhausted of fighting with myself. I forgot to live. I was just there, without any sense. But instead of doing something against it, I accepted it. “That’s me, that’s the way things are.” The frustration was getting more and turned into anxiety. I started to be worried already in the early morning. I called my family a few times a day because I thought, something bad happened. It was getting so far that I couldn`t really go to University anymore or even out of my Flat. I started to think every single day, that I will die today. I also started to keep staying at home instead of going outside, just because I was afraid to die.
I have lost myself, bit by bit to my mind.
These days, I didn’t realize that everything is just in my hand. I was waiting for something. But nothing came.
It will never come anything unless we do the first step.
We must do the first step towards sun, and life will be immediately with us. It can come in many ways, even in those you might not like. But you are on the way and that is what counts. Everything else will comply. My way started with stones and I passed a lot of stones. Those barriers will be there our entire life, and we need it to be happy. I even stand still for a while and we must go even through this.
It is never too late to change something. The most important thing is just the faith in ourselves. We are all smart, we are all talented. Every single one of us can do something, anything. We were already born with a talent. We just need to be aware, that we don’t give up and that we always talk good and respectful to ourselves. And one of the most important Instances is to listen to our heart. In which Situation starts our heart to dance? Which Situation makes us come alive, be just ourselves without thinking and without any pressure? What gives us the feeling to flight? We should go into those Situations as often as we can and never give them up, to feel alive. If we have a passion, for example we love baking. We should do it not just once a week, we should do it three or four times a week. Like that, even the neighbors would be happy about a piece of cake.
The foundation of self-respect and being always surrounded by those things, which makes our heart laughing, is a good start for a better life.
A helpful tool will be a goal. Even if it’s just to avoid chocolate for a while or to do sport constantly. Start with little things, but pull it through. And you will see how you win more self-confidence. We will be happy and Step by Step, we will feel able to do more and more.
And even if the money is not enough for a Change. Be patient and do just little steps. We should work slowly to make our dreams come true. We shouldn’t conjure them up.
Our way is the goal, the goal itself is just the benefit.
We will realize that, when we start to go our way. Life will be grateful for this and it will open doors for us, we didn’t even know they exist. But they do, just take one step and everything else will just come.
We should never forget, that we will die one day, maybe tomorrow. Life give us the chance, to make the most of it and it is a way too short to miss that out. We must overcome our fear and go through it and trust life. I mean, we don’t want to die with regrets, do we? We don’t want to lie in our deathbed and be sad, that we didn’t follow our dreams and regret that it is too late now, do we?
Stop the grey life and change it.
We can’t just always hope, we must do! At the same time, we do the first step towards a better life, the universe will come to support us. I really speak from experience. It happened already so often to me, and when I tell you all of this in my next stories, you might find the universe in your memories as well.
Years ago, against all my worries and fears, I decided to do an internship at a German Tv station in Munich, which was 900 kilometers far from my home, my comfort zone. And that was the best decision in my life. This new place and all the new people inspired me so much and I have got impressions, which I would never got back home. I was listening to exiting stories and adventurous travels. I never heard stories like this before. My Horizon slowly grew up to the 50-gram package of camembert. I perceived different things. And instead of just seeing pictures, I felt the buildings and the old architecture, with all its history. I saw birds, sitting in front of my window, which kind I never saw before. And for the first time in my life, I saw the mountains. The mountains. I repeat this, cause the mountains awoke a feeling of love inside me. For any weird reason, I felt home, even if I have never been there before. I felt a sense of security. They seem holy to me and from this moment I knew, that my life will start now.
One important thing was, that I have been alone. I made this experience just by myself. I never did something like hiking or nature things by my own before. But it feels so good and different. Not that I don’t like company. I even love company. But sometimes I totally enjoy it to discover the nature or cities by myself. We internalize much more and getting much more out of it.
I can just highly recommend it that everyone should go for a hike or a sightseeing tour just by themselves sometimes. It will be so intense, you will see.
If I would have been too afraid to go out earlier, I probably wouldn’t even know these feelings. I was flourishing and more joyful than ever before.
Suddenly I perceived what life must offer and I knew, that this experience is just a tiny part compares to those things, which are waiting for me.
Back home I would have stuck in the notorious, without the lore that there is so much more outside.
If we stuck in our comfort zone, we will get lazy. And for sure, there are people who want to be stuck there, because they are fulfilled happy. And that is alright. But if there is just a little desire to change something or doubts, that those kinds of life wouldn’t make us happy for the rest of our life, please don’t waste time and go. And even if you don’t know your dreams yet, life will pass it on to you. You just need to allow it and find a way out of this safety bubble.
Fear belongs to our Life’s like love. We must experience both, to observe one of them. Without fear we wouldn’t be able to truly know what love means. We could love, but we would never feel the pure happiness of love, because without fear, it will be just normal.
So, for what are you waiting for? Go through your fear. If you are afraid of flying- book the next flight and go for it. When you arrive the other side, you will be not just amazed about the new place. You would be also very proud and happy. I am afraid of flying as well. And now, I can’t even count how many times I have been in an airplane. And every time it is a new, great adventure.
Are you afraid giving up your job and being out of money? Trust. Life will never leave you alone, if you don’t give up, not even in the most horrible and darkest days. Life will open a door, when the time is right. Life is always thankful if you are bold enough to go a better way. And believe me, it is my own experience many times- something good, something even better than before will happen. It will.
As I left my home a long time ago, even so I was afraid and had anxiety. I act without thinking. I just said YES to the internship. I didn’t balance the benefits and detriments. I didn’t think about if it would be right or wrong. I just did it. I just let life do what it wanted to do and were trustful, that everything will be alright.
Nothing in our life is impossible, nothing if we just want it.
And I felt already better in my first days. All the new impressions predominant my fear. But of course, it wasn’t gone that quickly, but it was better. It took a long, long time to get rid of the fear, and even nowadays I can still feel parts of the anxiety.
I have met people in Munich who gave me strength and passion back. I have met adventurers and realized, that I want to be one as well, what I have never expect before. The new city and the different people inspired me to make my dreams come true. And before, I didn’t even know that I’ve got this dream.
I deeply believe, that everything what happen in our Life’s is supposed to be like that and it comes, how it comes anyway. But I also believe, that not much can happen, if we stuck in our safety bubble.
I went out of this constant and grey lane. This grey lane, which was either bad or good. No Ups and Dows. Everything was „alright “, nothing bad but nothing good either.
As I went out, I went into the open water. And I went through a lot of negative emotions, like through a storm. And sometimes this storm stayed for a long time. But I know now, every storm will have an end. And in the end of every storm is this wonderful silence. This beautiful, satisfying and unique feeling which couldn’t exist without a storm. This silence shows us, how magical life is. This silence gives us the feeling of joy, peacefulness and harmony. Such feelings we rarely receive if we stay in our comfort bubble. Pride, joy and relief. Positive emotions which are a way too valuable to don’t feel it.
But to feel relive, we need a kind of stress. To feel joy, we need fear and to feel peace and harmony we need discrepancies. How can we be happy about something, if we don’t know the opposite? We need bad days to be able to enjoy the good days. Otherwise everything will be just normal. But we can just appreciate the good days if we allow these days to come into our Life. And for this we must go out of our comfort zone and accept possibly bad times as well, which will come regardless.
But if everything just happened on one level, which means inside the bubble, nothing will move. It is like the ECG in the Hospital. When this machine shows a straight line it means the person, who is connected to it, is dead. And that’s the same while we are alive. So, if we keep staying on a straight line, constantly, we are not living anymore. We just flood. We need Up and Downs to be alive.
Let’s not be a prisoner in our own life.
If we keep staying in our safety bubble, we can ‘t get the relativity in an appropriate dimension. We won’t feel the emotions like we supposed to feel it. We will just dwell and nothing special happen.
And when I look back, all those negative things, which happened so far in my life, has something good. Especially my fear. It was leading me to my way of life. Life, included all Up and Downs, crafted myself into an interesting person. Life is doing this with all of us. But sometimes, we just have Tomatoes on our eyes.
But people who go different ways and don’t follow the standard, will get criticism. I am sure many of you know exactly how it feels. While I have been in other countries, one of the most asked question was “Why are you running away?” Running away? But I am not running away, I am living. They will consider it as an escape. But for me it is not an escape, it is a clear decision to don’t follow the standard and be dependent of the society.
I needed a long time to find my first few topics. One of the reasons I needed such a long time was, that I had a timeline in my head. I wanted to start my stories where they began and so on. But I always deleted it, removed it and so on. It was a confusion in my mind. So, I got rid of the thought of a chronological sequence and I am writing spontaneously and just from my heart now, without a certain order. The meaning of every single story is more important than an order. Step by step, you will see, it will turn into a whole.
For the topic mindful living, I will recommend a book. It is very easy written and perfect for a simple start. The Author is Bronnie Ware and the title “The most 5 regrets of dying people.” She is such a lovely woman from Australia who decided at one point in her life, to take care of the dying. And those people told her stories about their life, what they have missed out and how badly they regret it.
This was my first story about the beginnings and the first step into a better life.
I hope you enjoyed it and I could motivate, to follow me. If you rather like to listen, please listen to the audio book of this blogpost. I would be so happy if you like my Pages at Facebook, Instagram or Youtube and leave me an comment. Thank you very much.
From my heart
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